On the wagon, AGAIN!!!

The sugar wagon!! I've banned myself from eating sweets. I'm doing the South Beach eating plan. I wasn't going to post about it, but I have to.... I'm excited, and I'm doing well.... of course, it's ONLY my second day! But hey, I'm feeling REALLY good... good enough to stay pretty determined. Soooo, I'll probably post about my accomplishments and set backs for awhile, until I find something better to blog about. Sorry, I'll try hard not to bore you too much. LOL!!

I've been making the best dinners!! Of course, anything's really good when you're HUNGRY!!

I opened my front door this afternoon... and I SMELLED donuts!!! They smelled so good, but I'm ok, I don't need it.... I just came back in, grabbed a handful of delicious raw almonds, and I was set. = ) And I'm hoping that after a couple of weeks, the sugar cravings will subside, and I'll forget about missing it.

Thursday, I'm going to start my work-outs... I had to get over the 'weakness' hump first... you know, the one where you feel like you're gonna FAINT everytime you think of food, which for me, is ALOT!!! But I'm getting better at that, too!

Even my son is encouraging me.... he's actually eating what I make WITHOUT complaining that there's no pasta or bread with the meal. He just eats the protien and veggie dishes I prepare.... then goes out and buys a burger somewhere!!

Well, thanks for any encouragement you can send over, I'll appreciate it. = )

Joann~

The story of Sam

I can't write this entry without the possibility of looking really bad to some of you who might not agree with a decision I made, but good or bad, it's a decision I made at a moment's notice and I can't turn back and change anything now.

About a month or so ago, my son met a friend I'll call Sam. Sam is homeless... I don't know Sam's story, and I've only seen and spoken to Sam once, very briefly, and VERY late one night when he came by our house to ask if he could stay over for the night, about two nights after my son met him. THAT's where you MAY not agree with my decision.

I said no. My heart BROKE to do that, but that was my decision. That's what I felt was right at the time. Sam is very young to be homeless, not a child, but a young adult..... to accept this young stranger into my home could bring on all kinds of problems. However, I could have also helped Sam by showing him kindness in letting him use our sofa for the night, and that's probably where I'll struggle with my decision forever. I'll never know if I made the right decision. But there was NO time to THINK, so I did the safe thing (and strangely enough, my son easily agreed with my decision, maybe he knew more about Sam than he was telling me??? I don't know. I DID tell him to tell Sam that we would drive him to a shelter, but Sam declined.)

Anyway, the day before that night, Sam asked my son if he could keep some food here for him... he gave my son about 4 grocery bags of sealed quick-and-easy food items to hold for him. Sam has never come back for the food... it's been by our door for a month.

I've looked for Sam on the streets, not even sure I'd really recognize him. My son had seen him on the street once or twice, but neither one of them mentioned the grocery bags.

Finally, when my son saw him again a few nights ago, my son asked him about the groceries, Sam told him to just throw them away..... it's been a couple of days, because I couldn't bring myself to get rid of a homeless person's food.... not even knowing if he's eating now.

But this morning I finally went through the bags to rebag them for a homeless shelter. Again, it totally broke my heart to do this, it felt like I was taking food from someone who really needs it.... I cried the whole time. And I prayed for Sam. That's all I can do.

If I see Sam again, I will offer him food, and again offer to drive him to a shelter.... but my hope is that if I see Sam again, he'll say that he's doing well, living somewhere safe and eating well.

Lord, hear my prayer!!

Happy Anniversary, J-Land!!!!

Even though J-Land doesn't TECHNICALLY exist anymore... it will always live on in our hearts.

I was only a member of J-Land for the last 2 years (or so) of it's existence, but I made some real friends there.... people that are an important part of my life, still.

It broke my heart when J-land ended, I thought I was losing all the good friendships I'd found.... but, because we were ALL tossed out on the street together, we bonded even more.... and together we found a new home with lots of wonderful new friends who accepted us with open arms. Some of us don't blog as often, because we have found other means of keeping in close touch.

How many of us would have bothered to get on FaceBook, otherwise?!?! Now we are together there, and others can find us easily. Hopefully, others from J-land that are still lost out there in cyberspace will find us and choose to come back to us. (You know who you are!! = )

Glad you are all still part of my life!!

A hug from a Stranger

I was in church this morning, and there was a young man sitting next to me on FIRE for the Lord.... you know how you can just pick that up on people. He was probably my son's age or a few years older (early 20's). He was one of those people you could just SEE carrying that beautiful glowing light of the Lord. He was HAPPY, greeting people, singing with raised hands, praising/worshipping, and praying down on his knees while the rest of us were standing.

At the beginning of the service, when the music stopped, the Pastor always asks us to greet each other.

Normally, I'll turn to the people around me and shake their hands and introduce myself.

Today, this young man sitting next to me turned towards me and I reached out my hand to greet him, and he threw his arms open and said "Gimme a hug!" He gave me a strong, hearty hug!! A hug that makes a person feel good!! A hug that says.... "WE HONOR THE SAME FATHER, AND I LOVE YOU!!!"

It may seem like a simple thing to some, but I was really impressed with him. Boys his age don't like to hug fat old ladies, they seek out the cute young ones to hug... but he was REAL!!! He was SINCERE in his Godly love!!

And after the service, he shook my hand again, introduced himself and asked my name. I told him my name and said "Thanks for that hug, you made my day!" So he gave me another one, and told me 'God Bless You'. And we parted ways.

I'm telling you this, so that you'll know that when you hug someone, they FEEL it!! They know when it's sincere.... so go hug a stranger!!!

Joann~

4th of July with a SURPRISE!!!!

First of all, a picture of me and the new MAMA to be....... WOO HOO!!! Shannon's gonna be a MOMMY!!!!!!!!


I'm SOOOO excited for them... CONGRATULATIONS to Shannon & Chad!!!!



The proud grandparents.... (and the GRILLMASTER!!!)



The other proud grandparents....



These are the grandfathers.... is THIS what the new baby is going to look like??!?!



Of course, some pics of my son & me.... :)





Celebrating the festivities.....













And one tired mama.....



Hope you all had a great 4th of July, too!!!

Joann~

Why is everybody crying??

Long Story:

I used to have an uncle, my mom's brother, who died just a few months before my dad, five years ago. I really loved my uncle and miss him terribly. He was a good, Christian man.


While he was living, he and his wife divorced and she brainwashed their kids against him, 2 daughters that I was pretty close to growing up, I even lived with them for awhile, less than a year, but in that time, the girls used to call me their big sister.

I was totally devastated when they divorced, ESPECIALLY when they wouldn't return my phone calls pleading for them to call me. I cried so much, to think that they could just write me off like that.... I'd never done anything to hurt any of them, ever. They knew how much that hurt me, they just didn't care. It's like they did it deliberately.

They were teens when their parents split up, and they grew up. The older one moved to New York and still lives there.... the younger one lives locally, but we haven't seen her or her mom (who I was also very close to) in at least 20 years, except at the funeral of my uncle.

They were nice to me at the funeral, they RAN up to ME and hugged me like they were actually HAPPY to see me, they wanted me to sit next to them... we all cried and caught each other up on our lives. In fact, everyone was nice to everyone, which was a big surprise to me because of all the anger and resentment the family (my uncle's sisters) all had about not ever seeing the kids. But they were hugged and loved abundantly at the funeral of my uncle by our whole family. The girls (and even their mother) were told over and over again, that we wanted to see them more often, that we wanted a relationship with them, which they agreed to, with all kinds of promises of visiting, phone calls, etc..... until they went home.

Immediately, they refused all phone calls of the family, and have never spoken to or seen any of us again..... and AGAIN, my heart was hurt.

In time, my heart healed.... I realized that the girls were old enough to KNOW that we loved them but CHOSE to abandon us on their own. They made that decision themselves.

Fast forward 5 years to today.... last night the younger daughter passed away. My sister found out somehow. My ENTIRE family is crying... I just don't understand... they wanted (and still want) NOTHING to do with ANY of us, we've seen them once in 20 years.... they were ALL ALREADY dead to us, as far as I'm concerned.

Am I too cold?!?! Is my feeling too harsh!! I'm really NOT a cold hearted person, I love abundantly. And I really AM sorry she's gone, because she leaves behind a young teenage daughter (my uncle's granddaughter whom he was never allowed to see, either) who needs her, but as for me, I've cried enough for all of them. My life will be NO different. They're the ones missing out on FAMILY!!! I have no more feeling left.

One thing I WOULD have liked to have seen, though, is the reunion between her and her (earthly) father, because I DO believe that in Heaven, everyone forgives completely and is at total peace. I think that NOW she'll realize the love we had for her.

Joann~

5 years

Today is 5 years since I lost my daddy. The picture above is my dad holding my son.

Thank you to my beautiful friend Phyllis for remembering and sending her well wishes for my mom and me. She knows my pain well, having lost her own dad more recently.

Another close friend of mine lost her father last week.

It breaks my heart to see others go through that loss. The only thing I can tell them is that I don't think the pain ever goes away, but I know that it does get easier with time.... and the memories won't ever leave either.

There are STILL times when I can feel his presence, when I hear something he used to say, see something in his favorite color, or sometimes I can smell him... I could be driving or just sitting at home and all of a sudden, I'll just smell him... THAT'S when I feel him most.... and I close my eyes and talk to him, just tell him how much I miss him and what's been going on in our lives (as if he didn't know). It's just a comfort for me.

He used to like to feed the pigeons, and they would sit on the wire across the street from his house and wait for him to come out in the morning with bird seed and bread. Whenever I see a bird on a wire sitting outside my window, I think of my dad.

There will always be things to remind me of him, so he'll never be far away.... Thank God!!

I miss you so much, Daddy, I love you!!!