I can't write this entry without the possibility of looking really bad to some of you who might not agree with a decision I made, but good or bad, it's a decision I made at a moment's notice and I can't turn back and change anything now.
About a month or so ago, my son met a friend I'll call Sam. Sam is homeless... I don't know Sam's story, and I've only seen and spoken to Sam once, very briefly, and VERY late one night when he came by our house to ask if he could stay over for the night, about two nights after my son met him. THAT's where you MAY not agree with my decision.
I said no. My heart BROKE to do that, but that was my decision. That's what I felt was right at the time. Sam is very young to be homeless, not a child, but a young adult..... to accept this young stranger into my home could bring on all kinds of problems. However, I could have also helped Sam by showing him kindness in letting him use our sofa for the night, and that's probably where I'll struggle with my decision forever. I'll never know if I made the right decision. But there was NO time to THINK, so I did the safe thing (and strangely enough, my son easily agreed with my decision, maybe he knew more about Sam than he was telling me??? I don't know. I DID tell him to tell Sam that we would drive him to a shelter, but Sam declined.)
Anyway, the day before that night, Sam asked my son if he could keep some food here for him... he gave my son about 4 grocery bags of sealed quick-and-easy food items to hold for him. Sam has never come back for the food... it's been by our door for a month.
I've looked for Sam on the streets, not even sure I'd really recognize him. My son had seen him on the street once or twice, but neither one of them mentioned the grocery bags.
Finally, when my son saw him again a few nights ago, my son asked him about the groceries, Sam told him to just throw them away..... it's been a couple of days, because I couldn't bring myself to get rid of a homeless person's food.... not even knowing if he's eating now.
But this morning I finally went through the bags to rebag them for a homeless shelter. Again, it totally broke my heart to do this, it felt like I was taking food from someone who really needs it.... I cried the whole time. And I prayed for Sam. That's all I can do.
If I see Sam again, I will offer him food, and again offer to drive him to a shelter.... but my hope is that if I see Sam again, he'll say that he's doing well, living somewhere safe and eating well.
Lord, hear my prayer!!