Monday, June 21, 2010

Why is everybody crying??

Long Story:

I used to have an uncle, my mom's brother, who died just a few months before my dad, five years ago. I really loved my uncle and miss him terribly. He was a good, Christian man.

While he was living, he and his wife divorced and she brainwashed their kids against him, 2 daughters that I was pretty close to growing up, I even lived with them for awhile, less than a year, but in that time, the girls used to call me their big sister.

I was totally devastated when they divorced, ESPECIALLY when they wouldn't return my phone calls pleading for them to call me. I cried so much, to think that they could just write me off like that.... I'd never done anything to hurt any of them, ever. They knew how much that hurt me, they just didn't care. It's like they did it deliberately.

They were teens when their parents split up, and they grew up. The older one moved to New York and still lives there.... the younger one lives locally, but we haven't seen her or her mom (who I was also very close to) in at least 20 years, except at the funeral of my uncle.

They were nice to me at the funeral, they RAN up to ME and hugged me like they were actually HAPPY to see me, they wanted me to sit next to them... we all cried and caught each other up on our lives. In fact, everyone was nice to everyone, which was a big surprise to me because of all the anger and resentment the family (my uncle's sisters) all had about not ever seeing the kids. But they were hugged and loved abundantly at the funeral of my uncle by our whole family. The girls (and even their mother) were told over and over again, that we wanted to see them more often, that we wanted a relationship with them, which they agreed to, with all kinds of promises of visiting, phone calls, etc..... until they went home.

Immediately, they refused all phone calls of the family, and have never spoken to or seen any of us again..... and AGAIN, my heart was hurt.

In time, my heart healed.... I realized that the girls were old enough to KNOW that we loved them but CHOSE to abandon us on their own. They made that decision themselves.

Fast forward 5 years to today.... last night the younger daughter passed away. My sister found out somehow. My ENTIRE family is crying... I just don't understand... they wanted (and still want) NOTHING to do with ANY of us, we've seen them once in 20 years.... they were ALL ALREADY dead to us, as far as I'm concerned.

Am I too cold?!?! Is my feeling too harsh!! I'm really NOT a cold hearted person, I love abundantly. And I really AM sorry she's gone, because she leaves behind a young teenage daughter (my uncle's granddaughter whom he was never allowed to see, either) who needs her, but as for me, I've cried enough for all of them. My life will be NO different. They're the ones missing out on FAMILY!!! I have no more feeling left.

One thing I WOULD have liked to have seen, though, is the reunion between her and her (earthly) father, because I DO believe that in Heaven, everyone forgives completely and is at total peace. I think that NOW she'll realize the love we had for her.



  1. I can understand Joann why you aren't crying. I wonder if your other family members are because they are mourning what could have been instead of what was in how you guys were treated. this doesn't parallel compared to what you are saying, but when son's girlfriend went back to live with her mom after six months with us, I cried the whole day even though I was glad she had left, go figure! but again I was crying in what I wished had happened (her coming to know Jesus, restoration of her and her mom's relationship because of Jesus, etc) so maybe that is why your family cries

    hugs to all of you; I'm sure it was a very hard thing to deal with and work through


  2. I don't think you are cold hearted ~ to be treated the way they treated you they did not deserve to have a family relationship with you ~ You tried your best to make things right ~ but they wouldn't accept it ~ Ally x

  3. What a sad story and one that happens in many families when divorce occurs. Tragically many do the same. I think you are right and that she now knows.

  4. You are the exact opposite of the cold-hearted type. Your current feelings are based on the reality of the situation. ~Mary

  5. Dear Joann, you sure are not hard hearted. It is only natural that you feel as you do. you actually mourned for her a long time ago. when people divorce I am sure they never think of the waves of sadness that flow far and long beyond themselves, it is so so sad.
    Bless you always.
    love Sybil x

  6. No worries, they do not deserve your compassion. After being hurt multiple times, you have to let it go.

  7. It's a sad story Joann, but when the crying is done getting on with life is the next step. There is so much sadness when people who should be close to each other break off a relationship. There are ties that should never break, but sometimes they do. Who can explain it? It's life. You're clearly not hard hearted.


  8. This is such a sad, sad story. Families are so complex and it's hard to know WHY people do the things they do, especially when a divorce is involved. No one can fault you for your reaction, given the circumstances. You are in my thoughts.

  9. was their desion..its on are not cold...I would feel the same way...


  10. I am so sorry about that situation. I don't think you are being cold. You wanted the relationship and they opted out of it. It is a shame, but like you say, their loss more than yours.


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