Why is everybody crying??

Long Story:

I used to have an uncle, my mom's brother, who died just a few months before my dad, five years ago. I really loved my uncle and miss him terribly. He was a good, Christian man.


While he was living, he and his wife divorced and she brainwashed their kids against him, 2 daughters that I was pretty close to growing up, I even lived with them for awhile, less than a year, but in that time, the girls used to call me their big sister.

I was totally devastated when they divorced, ESPECIALLY when they wouldn't return my phone calls pleading for them to call me. I cried so much, to think that they could just write me off like that.... I'd never done anything to hurt any of them, ever. They knew how much that hurt me, they just didn't care. It's like they did it deliberately.

They were teens when their parents split up, and they grew up. The older one moved to New York and still lives there.... the younger one lives locally, but we haven't seen her or her mom (who I was also very close to) in at least 20 years, except at the funeral of my uncle.

They were nice to me at the funeral, they RAN up to ME and hugged me like they were actually HAPPY to see me, they wanted me to sit next to them... we all cried and caught each other up on our lives. In fact, everyone was nice to everyone, which was a big surprise to me because of all the anger and resentment the family (my uncle's sisters) all had about not ever seeing the kids. But they were hugged and loved abundantly at the funeral of my uncle by our whole family. The girls (and even their mother) were told over and over again, that we wanted to see them more often, that we wanted a relationship with them, which they agreed to, with all kinds of promises of visiting, phone calls, etc..... until they went home.

Immediately, they refused all phone calls of the family, and have never spoken to or seen any of us again..... and AGAIN, my heart was hurt.

In time, my heart healed.... I realized that the girls were old enough to KNOW that we loved them but CHOSE to abandon us on their own. They made that decision themselves.

Fast forward 5 years to today.... last night the younger daughter passed away. My sister found out somehow. My ENTIRE family is crying... I just don't understand... they wanted (and still want) NOTHING to do with ANY of us, we've seen them once in 20 years.... they were ALL ALREADY dead to us, as far as I'm concerned.

Am I too cold?!?! Is my feeling too harsh!! I'm really NOT a cold hearted person, I love abundantly. And I really AM sorry she's gone, because she leaves behind a young teenage daughter (my uncle's granddaughter whom he was never allowed to see, either) who needs her, but as for me, I've cried enough for all of them. My life will be NO different. They're the ones missing out on FAMILY!!! I have no more feeling left.

One thing I WOULD have liked to have seen, though, is the reunion between her and her (earthly) father, because I DO believe that in Heaven, everyone forgives completely and is at total peace. I think that NOW she'll realize the love we had for her.

Joann~

5 years

Today is 5 years since I lost my daddy. The picture above is my dad holding my son.

Thank you to my beautiful friend Phyllis for remembering and sending her well wishes for my mom and me. She knows my pain well, having lost her own dad more recently.

Another close friend of mine lost her father last week.

It breaks my heart to see others go through that loss. The only thing I can tell them is that I don't think the pain ever goes away, but I know that it does get easier with time.... and the memories won't ever leave either.

There are STILL times when I can feel his presence, when I hear something he used to say, see something in his favorite color, or sometimes I can smell him... I could be driving or just sitting at home and all of a sudden, I'll just smell him... THAT'S when I feel him most.... and I close my eyes and talk to him, just tell him how much I miss him and what's been going on in our lives (as if he didn't know). It's just a comfort for me.

He used to like to feed the pigeons, and they would sit on the wire across the street from his house and wait for him to come out in the morning with bird seed and bread. Whenever I see a bird on a wire sitting outside my window, I think of my dad.

There will always be things to remind me of him, so he'll never be far away.... Thank God!!

I miss you so much, Daddy, I love you!!!

Welcome Spring!!

I know Spring came back in March, but today it really FEELS like it.... it's beautiful & breezy. We've had a good mixture of cold and hot, recently, but not warm NICE!! Today is a really beautiful day!!

I haven't blogged in quite awhile, because I haven't really done anything or had anything to say worth blogging about.

So I'll share some pics of the latest.....

This is my beautiful cousin, Shannon & Me






My son, Chris on his 20th birthday




My other beautiful cousin, Sandy & Me



Well that's it for now, but I'll try to post again soon..... meanwhile, look for me on Facebook.

God Bless!!

Joann~

The test of TIME!

Congratulations to my cousins, Sandy & Dave, on their 30th wedding anniversary!!

They make such a beautiful couple, they're good people and fun to hang out with.

They have 3 beautiful children together, and 3 more from previous marriages and they're all good, smart, level-headed people, too!

We had a great time celebrating with them, and I wish them another 30+ years of happiness together.

Marriages that stand the test of time are so rare these days. My parents had a beautiful 43 year marriage before my dad passed away.

I'm envious (in a good way) and very proud of any couple that can get through the difficulties that life throws their way. If the love is strong enough on BOTH sides, it's SO worth fighting for. It's such a blessing!

But sometimes people can't get through things life brings to a marriage, sometimes people get married for the wrong reasons in the first place, sometimes things just can't be fixed, and people have to start over again. There's no shame in going your own way if you know you've done the best you can to keep that commitment, and there are even situations in which you cannot stay any longer or should not stay any longer. Sometimes leaving can be a blessing too.

Whatever YOUR situation is, do the very best you can with it. If you have a good strong marriage, do everything you can to keep that marriage solid. However, if you are in a place that you must leave or have already done so, keep your heart OPEN.... remember that life CAN bring you happiness in someone else, don't block out someone who could truly love you and make you happy... just be sure it's REAL!!

Sandy, You have been through alot in your life, and you've lived many lives over. Now, you've found your happiness and you two have been such a blessing to each other, and an inspiration to everyone around you. Keep going strong. Many blessings to you and Dave in the years ahead. I love you!

Dave, Thank you for blessing Sandy's life so wonderfully.... You're AWESOME, I love you!!

Rosanne, Jason, Shannon, and Heather, you guys did a GREAT job with EVERYTHING!!! It was BEAUTIFUL!!!

Joann~

Just Hi = )

Just sharing pics of my handsome son. He was DETERMINED not to smile... but you could tell he was giving in a little.... LOL!!

I haven't posted in awhile, and I still don't really have anything to say, but I miss you all, so thought I'd just stop by to say hi.

I updated my playlist, so take a listen, see if there's anything on there you like. = )

I'll be back soon, I wanna keep blogging, I miss it!!

Take Care,
Joann~

A 'HANK'ering for the good ol' music

When I was growing up, my dad listened to old country and western music. It took me awhile, but eventually I learned to appreciate it, and my dad's influence opened me up to really listen to the stories these songs told. Many of the songs taught me about history, Christianity, and life in general, because many of their songs had morals, sequels, and life lessons.

Artists like Johnny Horton, Lefty Frizzell, Jimmy Dean, and Marty Robbins wrote and sang fun songs, but they also sang about what was in their hearts.

Johnny Horton taught me about a fantastic German Battleship in WWII and the efforts to sink the battleship called the 'Bismarck', and about an early American icon named 'Jim Bridger'. He sang fun sing-along songs like 'The Battle of New Orleans' and 'North to Alaska'.



Marty Robbins told me about the night his life changed forever in 'The Master's Call' and the love and appreciation that a husband can have for his wife in 'My Woman, My Woman, My Wife' (which my dad always sang to my mom = ), not to mention the fun listening songs like 'El Paso' (which was part of a great trilogy) and 'Devil Woman'.

Lefty Frizzell had a great song that I loved called 'Saginaw, Michigan' with an ending I STILL love to listen to, and a story about how he died to save a woman's honor in the 'Long, Black Veil'.




Jimmy Dean's 'Big, Bad John' had a sequel called 'The Cajun Queen', I loved that story. He also had a song about a historical event called 'P.T. 109' which taught me something about JFK.

But my favorite Jimmy Dean song is one that my dad used to play for me when I was little, he always told me it was made for me... (I still have the actual LP album my dad played).




It still brings me happiness to hear the music my dad loved so much, and I'm really glad that, no matter how UNCOOL it is, it's my own history, part of my childhood, and I don't care what anyone else thinks.... it's a big part of ME!!

Now, I don't claim to know ALL about the music of this era... after all, this was just 'a little' before my time.... but I AM able to appreciate it a little more than most people my age, at least on my side of the country where most people are NOT U.S. natives and haven't even HEARD this kind of music.... LOL!!

Listening to Country music is a just part of life for me now, I listen to the newer stuff, though... and I love it.

Beautiful Weather!!

I know that you probably don't think much of this weather for Southern California, but this week has been AMAZING, weatherwise!! I LOVE IT!! We haven't had THIS much rain in a VERY LONG time!! I believe we've had more rain in the last 5 days than we've had in the last year all together!!









Hope YOUR weather is just how YOU like it!!

Joann~